Why Confidence Comes and Goes

I’ve worked with countless players and leaders throughout my career. There are a number of common themes that come up, but one of the most frequent conversations revolves around self-confidence, or more often, the lack of it.

There’s a pattern in how people view confidence and the level of confidence they actually have. We throw around words like “confidence” so loosely that we lose what they’re supposed to mean. Most of the time, confidence is treated like a feeling, something that comes from recent success. And just as quickly, it drops after failure.

That’s because what people are calling confidence isn’t really confidence. It’s a reaction to outcomes. It’s tied to what just happened instead of what they’re actually capable of.

And when that’s the foundation, you’re always going to be searching.

Changing the Foundation

When you start building your trust on your process and the work you’re putting in every day, you don’t guarantee success, but you give yourself something a lot more stable to stand on.

That doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be emotionless. It’s actually the opposite. You should feel things. Nerves, excitement, anticipation, frustration, all of that comes with competing. Those emotions are part of it.

What you can’t do is let those emotions dictate your decisions. Frustration turns into pressing. Irritation turns into forcing things. And that’s where things start to spiral.

Instead, when those emotions show up, let them bring you back to the moment. You’ve already put in the work. You’ve built the tools. Now it’s about stepping into the environment and trusting what you’ve developed over time.

How You Actually Build It

I wish I could tell you that confidence comes from practice alone. That if you hit balls on the range a few times a week, everything would show up exactly how you want it to.

But anyone who’s competed knows that’s not how it works.

Practice matters, but it doesn’t fully test you. The only place that happens is in competition, when there’s something on the line.

I tell players all the time, every tournament is an opportunity. Whether you finish last or win, there’s something there to take from it. Every round gives you a chance to learn how you respond, how you adjust, and how you compete when it’s not perfect.

That’s where confidence actually gets built. Not from success alone, but from experience. The more you put yourself in those environments, the more chances you have to build trust in what you can do.

Why This Matters

Everyone wants to be consistent. Nobody wants to step into a competitive environment not knowing what they’re going to get. But that uncertainty is part of it. You don’t always get to control how you play or what the result looks like. What you do control is how you respond.

That’s where separation happens. The ability to adapt, adjust, and keep moving forward without letting one moment derail everything isn’t something you’re born with. It’s built through experience.

So don’t avoid those moments. Step into them. It might not feel great. You might be anxious. It might not go your way. But when you stop tying your identity to the result and start using those moments as opportunities to learn and grow, that’s when confidence starts to take on a different form.

It becomes something you can rely on. Not because everything is going your way, but because you trust yourself to handle it when it doesn’t.